No matter how much professional experience I gain, there seems to always be a certain amount of trepidation when I have to conference with my child’s teacher.  Let us face it, this is an incredibly vulnerable position for parents.  Our children are a direct reflection of our parenting skills.  We are being judged when we are completely incapable of defending ourselves – when our children are away from us and in the care of others.

This vulnerability is the primary reason most parents resist communicating with their child’s teacher.  The fear of being judged.  The fear of a teacher’s evaluation of your most precious gift – your child – with faults, flaws, and inadequacies.  

This blog is the second installment in a series dedicated to providing parents and families with the necessary tools and strategies to become effective educational partners with their child’s teacher and school.  While doing so is the only way for our children to fully receive the education they truly deserve, the process is not without valid concerns.  Let us discuss a few concerns when parent’s need to communicate with their child’s teacher.

1.        The teacher will treat my child differently if I express a concern.  This is a valid and commonly expressed concern by parents who are hesitant to communicate with their child’s teacher.  While I have also felt this way, my greater fear was in allowing my child to be at risk of not being properly and appropriately educated.  If you have a concern, not communicating will not make you feel better.  You will simply worry in silence and your child’s education will be the toss of a coin.  Let us hope for heads versus tails.  And if the teacher does treat your child differently, this is truly a reflection of them.  An extremely poor reflection indeed.

2.        What will the other parents think?  There are definitely parents who will not support your concerns.  While this is disheartening, you can not make them your why.  Your “why” must always be your child and what is best for their educational success.  In my professional experience, I have found strong, motivational support from the least likely of persons.  Also, keep in mind that these parents are just as vulnerable as you are.  Their support, or lack thereof, is purely based on their concern for their child’s well-being as well.  Let us not judge parents’ decisions, just as we wish to not be judged for ours. 

3.       My concern may seem petty and simple.  You are the parent.  All of your concerns are valid.  If the concern wakes you up at night, keeps you from sleeping, or takes up far too much brain space in your day – it is valid! 

4.       The teacher is the professional.  This concern always troubles me from parents.  It reveals a parent completely removing themselves from their child’s education.  This parent is allowing a teacher to govern their child … without reproach.  Imagine your child floating in a small raft upon the ocean … alone.  Parents, please do not allow your child to be alone, vulnerable, and adrift in an environment without your governance and participation.  Yes, teachers are professionals, and you are your child’s parent.  By far, the most important and steadfast teacher your child will ever have.   

5.       I do not know how to begin the process of communicating.  Teachers generally love the fresh start of a new school year and all the positive hope it brings.  As such, most teachers eagerly introduce themselves to parents at the beginning of each school year while including their preferred method of contact.  Please keep this information as a handy reference guide throughout the school year. 

6.       I am afraid to go alone to a teacher meeting.  This is a completely valid concern.  Oftentimes, there are language or cultural barriers between teachers and parents which require a bridge of support to guide conversations for all involved.  As a parent, you have the right to invite whomever you chose to a meeting regarding your child’s education.  If you do not have personal support, there are educational advocates available who are willing to attend these meetings.  While some charge fees for their time, based on your situation, they may volunteer their efforts.   Also, groups such as the NAACP, LULAC, and Parents for Public Schools are invaluable resources for educational support in communities throughout the US.  It definitely is worth the inquiry.

Parenting is an experience without a clear roadmap.  Our travels are at times lonely and without much guidance.  We must allow the love, hope, and dreams we share for our children to be our guide and strength through these moments of insecurity.  Your courage to communicate to your child’s teacher will surely pay off in the long run.  And parenting is definitely the longest marathon ever!